The questioner

As the profession continues to evolve, there are a lot of thought pieces going around – as ever, truth be told – on coaching roles. It’s something we all struggle with. In short, are we questioners, advisors, mentors, sounding boards, counsellors, facilitators, sages, feedback-ers, challengers, catalysts, midwives, spark plugs, soul project managers, or what?

As with leadership a few decades ago, we seem to be heading towards what we could call situational coaching for want of a better term. We can be anything and everything. We are whatever is needed in the moment. Whatever the coachee and their agenda need. True?

The main dispute seems to lie along the questioning / advising axis. Do we earn our bucks by sharing our immense;) wisdom from personal and coaching experience or do we relentlessly question and question until the coachee plucks insight from the ether?

As far as we know (so yes, it’s likely been the way of things since two fish looked at the shore and then at each other and wondered whether to go exploring), it’s a conundrum that’s been going on since one Socrates sat down next to a stranger in an Athenian market and struck up a conversation. Something he was apparently very wont to do.

All in all, Socrates was pretty cool. Probably quite exasperating in real life and not too good at discussing Sparta FC’s home record at parties, but then again, there are more important things I’ve been told. He never wrote a line that we know of, yet he’s been one of the greatest influencers of all time. His personal integrity even ended up costing him his life, but that’s another story.

At the essence of his art – which funnily enough came to be known as Socratic questioning – is that he did not appear to want to instruct people. Unlike the then currently fashionable Sophists, he gave the impression of wanting to learn himself from those he spoke with. Instead of teaching – advising – he questioned from a starting point of ignorance. His curiosity in the topic and his partner’s viewpoint came through in discussion rather than monologue. Open questions to get his partner talking and exploring. Follow up questions to probe and dig deeper. A genuine belief that his partner will get to the core rationale and maybe any solutions they need through their own insights and determination. Open-mindedness rather than judgment.

Socrates himself likened his art to that of a midwife, someone who does not give birth to the child but is there to help its delivery. He saw his role as helping people to give birth to the correct insight, since real understanding and ownership must come from within.

So far so good. This is the heart of the coaching conversation and indeed of coach training. But is it all?

Particularly in the executive coaching space, we are contracted not just for our skills but for our experience too. More than just for face validity and contextual familiarity, we are expected to hold our own in what will typically be a high-level conversation. Not contributing our experience to a coaching challenge can seem like sheer bloody-mindedness at times. And for sure, there can be a value to this experience being part of the discussion as long as we remember we are in service of the coachee and their aims, not ours. Ideally, we are one point of data and not the defining answer. The latter can, however, be more problematic with any power imbalance. If, for example, we are older and/or considered more experienced in a certain area than the coachee.

So where does that leave us? Trait spectrum vs type box, chameleon vs rigid, questioner vs advisor?

From my humble viewpoint, any definitive answer probably comes down to splitting hairs – something the Sophists were famously good at. The conversation, however, is fantastically useful. In questioning and discussing what we do in coaching, which hats and roles are needed from us, and how we are more and less successful in our coaching relationships, we are staying open-minded and alive to exploring paths to develop and grow better.

Sounds a bit Socratic to me.

Julian

I help people lead their way forward with greater clarity

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