Mapping our REALM

Robert Macfarlane is a brilliant writer. His 2003 book Mountains of the Mind is a classic exploration of the attraction of mountains and of the people drawn to them. I’m currently deep in Underland, his examination of the myriad worlds beneath our feet. Every page offers incredible insight, yet it is perhaps one of the simplest that resonates with me most…

Into the underland we have long placed that which we fear and wish to lose, and that which we love and wish to save

A few years ago, I realised that there were a couple of themes that were repeatedly showing up in my leadership coaching work. The first was around self-awareness and self-leadership. As Tasha Eurich has demonstrated in her research, around 80% of us are lying to ourselves about who we really are when we claim to be self-aware. Too often we just see the tip of our own iceberg.

The other theme was around a need for a new direction. Call it what you will – your life purpose, your vision, your mission, your ikigai, your worthy goal, your big hairy audacious goal, your reason to get off the sofa or out of bed every morning, whatever. Typically, this presents itself either through loss, i.e. loss of a role or a relationship or a loved one or health; or, in a related way, through the achievement of a goal, be it career status, a business or project objective, financial freedom, etc. Covid and other crises have only magnified this trend globally as we re-evaluate who and where we are in our lives.

On seeing this, I went on my own discovery process to work out how I could have more impact and support coachees better, particularly with those who are mid- or late career. I dug deep into my coaching work. I trained as a counsellor. I read a lot of books. I talked to anyone who would share their lives with me. And yes, I went off and climbed a few mountains to think.

Out of this has come an approach to help people wrestling with life purpose to better understand themselves and to determine an aligned way forward. And it’s all underpinned by a neat little model called REALM. Like many of us, I’ve always been wary of models and the associated simplification, yet I think this is broad and full enough to work. In brief, REALM consists of:

I am Rooted. This talks to our values, our influences, our beliefs, our life story, and all that has made us who we are today.

I am Excellent. This concerns our skills, talents, passions, and strengths.

I am Authentic. This relates to being true to ourselves and to others. As such, it touches on ambitions, heroes, and Ideal Self.

I am Loose. This is about our limiting beliefs as well as our attitude and readiness to change. It looks at status quo and what we may need to give up to achieve what we desire.

I have a Mission. This is the heart of our way forward, the bigger than us contribution we are looking to make.

I have Momentum. This is our support network, the props and people around us who will hold us true and support us to ensure we keep going.

I have a Map. This is our guide to the steps and milestones of how we’re going to achieve what we’re setting out to do, and also our commitment to our way forward.

The first part, the REAL us, talks to our clear and unblinkered understanding of who we are. That which we bury in our underland, either knowingly or unconsciously, good and bad. The second part – the three M statements – addresses our way forward. I’d argue that true success and achievement of the second part only comes with the clarity and grounding of the first. For those of us strong on self-determination, it may seem strange to look at the past and present as a way of preparing for the future, yet it is through understanding – and accepting – ourselves better that we can lay an aligned and solid path forward, a path that is true to us.

Where are you in (re)mapping your REALM?

If you’d like a summary of the model, there’s a dedicated REALM Resource with reflection questions in the Resources section of www.orangecairns.com.

Julian

I help people lead their own way forward