Let’s talk values

There’s a great icebreaker activity which builds up pieces of string like a cat’s cradle from one person to another to however many are in the group. It’s a quick and easy way of demonstrating systems thinking and how everything’s interconnected. This lattice of bonds can talk on many different levels, including our values. That sense of a river leading from our past through our present and into our future… That sense of our values influencing all we choose to do and how…

For in a 101 nutshell, our values form part of the core of how we look at and conceive our world. These values generally come from our parents, our family, our schooling, our culture, and our environment. Shading darker and lighter at times like clouds on a hillside, our values do not typically change greatly over our lives. Their dominance may vary, certain ones may become more important at different times, but in the absence of a significant change event, they don’t tend to be completely replaced. These values guide us in determining our careers, organisations, partners, lifestyles, and what we truly, yes, value. 

And so it’s no big surprise or leap if we say our choice of something purposeful and the goals we set ourselves are inextricably tied up in our values. Pink famously talks of mastery, autonomy, and purpose as the big three motivators, yet it is in the values aspect of purpose that any misalignment is most acutely felt. The crucial make or break determinant of success – or simply as the Clash wonder, should I stay or should I go? – sits with our values. We see this increasingly with every generation coming into the workforce as well as with the recent attention paid to the Great Resignation, Great Reshuffle, Quiet Quitting, call it what you will.

In our REALM model around self-awareness and purpose, this is part of the Rooted element – I know where I come from. It can seem counter-intuitive to look backwards to map a way ahead, but I argue for that clarity of who we are to help us make the choices going forward.

So another great activity is to go through a process of consciously clarifying and reminding ourselves of our values. In my coaching I use an exercise adapted from Kouzes and Posner’s Leadership Challenge to do this. Once the coachee has a set of five or so values that truly define them, we work together on what those words – authenticity, integrity, creativity, faith, achievement, whatever they are – mean for them and how they’re expressed. This can be part of exploring our Ought Self (the person we think we should be) and Ideal Self (the dream person) in contrast to our Current Self.

Clarifying our values, what they mean to us, and where they come from is fundamental to understanding the voices in our head when we come round to looking at the path forwards. Is something currently misaligned with our values that has led us to question what we’re doing and to look for a new or different way forward? Is there a value that’s important to us that we feel is not being met currently? When we think of options around life purpose and goals, which values are these talking to? Which values are being leveraged and celebrated? Which downplayed or even ignored?

Experience says that the commitment to any purpose or goals set will be largely determined by the corresponding alignment with personal values. And so again, no big surprise then that if that alignment is weak or not there in the first place, there’s not really much point in embarking on that path. Find our values and we’re on the road to finding our way forward.  

Julian

I help people lead their own way forward

If you want to access a free resource based on the above piece, please go to the Resources section of www.orangecairns.com. Amid all the other great stuff, there’s an activity there on setting your values. And don’t forget to subscribe for more Postcards… Enjoy the learning.