The open road

One of the joys of coaching is the exploration of a question towards evolving a freely determined solution. The joy of the open road, we might think. Well, nearly. There are admittedly the guiding guardrails of a structured and timebound conversation, the solution focus, the goal of purposeful action, the models and tools, and all the other coaching paraphernalia.

That solution, however, that’s a free for all, isn’t it? That’s our espoused tenet as a coach, right?

A conversation with a colleague the other day had us both questioning how open the road truly is.

Coaching is founded on a commitment to self-determination and an unshakeable belief that we all can find our solutions within ourselves. Sure, there’s undeniably a cultural element at play in this, but let’s park that for another day.

To help us get to that solution, we ask open questions to elicit exploration. We bravely struggle to corral our Advice Monster lurking in the wings, eager as it always is to leap into action and join the fun. We reflect, we reframe, we paraphrase, we challenge, we provoke, we listen, we brainstorm, we visualise, we…

What am I bringing to the conversation? What do I want from it?

And yet… True congruence and authenticity require that we coaches face up to the fact that there is always a personal agenda in our service. As a partner, as a facilitator, in whatever role we play, we leave an imprint of ourselves in the flow, direction, and outcome.

At the top of that list, for sure, is that as coaches, we want the best for our coachees. We develop strong bonds with them. Hey, we often even like them. We want our coachees to succeed. We want them to get the best solution possible. And that can so easily be the solution that sounds best to us.

In the spirit of self-awareness, let’s not ignore other factors that can be colouring the outcome. If we’re truly looking into our souls, we want them to succeed with our help. Our killer question was the one that sparked insight. Our masterful blend of support and challenge led us to the aha moment we all aspire to. Our experience was the conduit for the coachee’s breakthrough…

Beyond the vanity, we also want to justify our skillset, our price, and why we’re in coaching in the first place. That’s our ego and self-identity talking.

And we also want to keep the coaching sponsor happy. And we want more business. And so we want a reference or a lead or a continued relationship. In short, we want more of this great work we’re doing.

There’s no need to be humble or disingenuous about this, but we do need to recognise and address these motivators. Is there such a thing as true altruism? Another one for the parking lot.

Most pertinently, though, it can mean we want our coachee to say the answer we have determined in our own thoughts or, at worst, one which we know is in line with the sponsor’s agenda. At the very least we’re hoping for an answer which sounds right to us.

We don’t need to signpost the answer through a leading question – we’re all too well-behaved for that naughty trick – but the truth is, when we hear a coachee come up with something that we’d have probably said, our immediate instinct can be to go, yup, job done, let’s move on.

After all, most of us in executive and leadership coaching have been execs and leaders ourselves. We’ve done this conversation before. We know a leader’s world. We’re smart people ourselves. That’s why we were hired, isn’t it?

The image that comes to mind is of a submarine’s searchlight picking out a piece of a wreck deep underwater. It’s so easy to think we’ve found our goal. Yet if we cast our light wider, there may well be an even bigger discovery just a little bit further…

This is where we need to step back, breathe, and let the search continue.

Whose solution is this truly?

The true joy of coaching is when that proposed solution is not even halfway on the journey. When there’s still so much further to go. When we can stay curious that much longer. This is where humility and a genuine dedication to growth come in.

The related pleasure in this is the personal self-exploration and discovery for the coach. To have our own beliefs and assumptions challenged. In great coaching, our learning is as deep as the coachee’s. We walk out with our worldview and mindset equally shaken and stirred.

Our clients are savvy enough to sense when real self-discovery is at work, when we’re not simply digging around in the received opinions of the coach.

This is not to call coaches out. It’s to glory in the process of true coaching. Where we’re open and present to everything in the room, yet the outcome is free and determined by the coachee. Where the path is not marked by us. Where, in truth, there is no path.

Let’s stay curious and open.

I don’t post here so often these days as my writing is focused on other personal projects, but I’m still exploring this wonderful coaching space. If something resonates or prompts a question, please get in touch.

Julian

I help people lead their own way forward